No Work and All Play

Makes Josh a poor boy. I hate the January-March stretch. It’s the season of shit hours and pay for those in retail.

One bright side to it, I get to spend more time with people. Which in general means lots of movie watching.

Moraya, my best friend, came back from visiting family in Texas a few days ago, so every night we raided either the theater or Movie Gallery. What little gems did we discover this week? (spoilers contained)

  • The Day the Earth Stood Still: Wow, severely bad dialogue and a plot that was entirely predictable to the very end. We laughed a good bit at the fact that Keanu Reeves is still actually paid to act. Will Smith’s kid played a complete lil fucker. I wouldn’t have minded him dropping out of the picture at any time. Seriously. You just want the slap the jackass the whole time you’re watching.
  • Wanted: I know some people really like this and others think it’s beyond the definition of ridiculous. I’m of the latter, Moraya the former. I really don’t understand what anyone saw in this, other than wet-dream fodder for high school to college age guys. The plot was incredibly stupid and the reason behind the actions of the “Weavers” and the decoding of said reasons was just fucking absurd. BINARY? Really? A small group of textile workers actually discovered binary hidden in their work and somehow figured out that meant they were to kill people. Jesus. Can we get any more pathetic with our plot motives?!
  • The Happening: I knew what happened in this movie before I saw it, thanks to a former manager. So I already knew this was going to be another “brilliant” and “original” work by M. Night Shamalama. fucker. Talk about stupid plots. This thing was an insult to movie-goers world wide. Not only that, but every actor in this movie was mind-numbingly terrible. Zooey What-the-fuck needed her ass killed off 10 minutes in. God. Did no one see Tin Man?! This girl can’t act to save her fucking life!!!! And Mark Whalberg? Oh jesus, he was worse than that Zooey bitch. I never thought it possible. And the whole time, the film is filled with inane dialogue that you wouldn’t even find in the worst of tela-novelas. This entire movie was gore for the sake of gore. And not very well made gore at that. I think Shamadingdong was trying to copy a genre of Asian films that revolve around pointless deaths. He did a terrible job. This comes close to the slit-your-wrists travesty of The Spirit.

I feel like I’m leaving something out, but I’m not worried about it.

So fair warning, stay far away from all the films mentioned. Your wallet and brain will thank you for many years to come.

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